Me

I am an introvert.
Growing up I saw my introversion or shyness as something I needed to change, something that was bad, something that was wrong. I was always surrounded by people and noise and activity and I would always tend to shrink away from it all and retreat into my own little world (usually a book :) ). As I got older this got worse, and I would try sometimes to mimic my older outgoing siblings, I admired their friendly and sociable ways and wanted to be like that myself (and although I CAN be like that my first response is usually to be quiet and subdued). However that wasn't me, and as a result when they all left home and went their separate ways I was left stranded with no idea who the real me was.
That's where God came in.
Coming into the Barnabas internship program I had NO IDEA what to expect. I had no expectations and no "hopes" of what would happen, I knew God had called me to be there so I was just there. And then one day Mark Warren came and spent a day with us doing the Myers-Briggs test (for those of you who don't know, the Myers-Briggs is a personality test designed originally to figure out which jobs people would be best suited for).
As I read my profile assessment that afternoon (INFP) it was as if a whole new me stepped out of the shadows and into the light. Except I was amazed to find out that it was the
same person
that had always been there! I realized that basically all the perceived bad things about my personality that were different from my siblings were actually an integral part of me. I remember going to bed that night and crying myself to sleep because I was so happy to be ME and have it be a good thing, something I'd never seen in myself before.
Over the next couple of months as I started to accept these things as normal God was slowly molding me and shaping me into a better me than I thought could ever exist. It was an incredibly freeing experience! I began to embrace quiet times instead of seeing them as "just trying to escape". I enjoyed spending one-on-one time with other people. I LOVED spending time alone with God, and as a result my relationship with Him was deepened and strengthened. I came back from Barnabas a "new" person.
Now let me just clarify what introversion and extroversion are. Wikipedia puts it best I think: "Introverts are people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. Introverts tend to be more reserved and less outspoken in large groups." and "An extraverted person is likely to enjoy time spent with people and find less reward in time spent alone. They tend to be energized when around other people, and they are more prone to boredom when they are by themselves."

Now that I'm back at Barnabas for a whole summer I have to learn to deal with large amounts of people every day, starting tomorrow with the rest of the staff arriving for orientation. I mentioned to Christina today that before the internship I would have jumped at the chance to prove myself more outgoing with lots of new people around (despite the fact that I would be uncomfortable with it) and now I'm almost dreading losing the peace and solitude.

But boy oh boy I sure love being me!